Foxhunt: Bananas

“No, I won’t die like this! Orlok must still get potato and bazooka from Rowan!!!” Orlok yelled.

He drew his mouth open and clamped his jaw down on Romeo’s side, right where the squishy ribs were. The Alpha yelled in pain and Orlock felt the taste of blood in his mouth. It was gross.

He spat some blood and a little bit of Romeo out and made an ‘ew’ sound.

“Fuck, where have you been, dude?! YOU TASTE HORRIBLE!!!”

Orlok wasn’t about to start biting him again but the fucking spider monster was getting closer.

“Ah, no! Save me Buddha! Save meee!” He yelled hoarsely as he started to roughly climb up Romeo’s side.

True Romeo was stronger BUT ORLOK WAS HIGH!!! THEREFORE HE WAS INVINCIBLE!!!!

Orlok brought out his trusty laser beam he’d made out of a toaster and half of a dead rat and pointed it Romeo.

“This ends now!” He pressed the button and a giant laser beam shot out of it, smashing Romeo right in the face.

Except that he wasn’t melting. Orlok cursed and pressed the zap button again.

“No, it’s not working. The zappy isn’t working. Moar power! Needs more POWA!!!” He yelled and dove for the nearest access hatch in the arena. He managed to pry it open and came face to face with a rather wondrous variety of knobs and other assorted potatoes.

His eyes went to the one labeled as ‘self destruct access’ He grinned.

“Rowan, Romeo, ROWAN ATKINSON!!!! ALL OF THE PEOPLE I’VE EVER MET WHOSE NAMES BEGINS WITH R HAVE FAILED ME!!! NOW I HAVE MY REVENGE!!!” Orlok shouted maniacally and dived into the hatch, crawling through it into the sub-tunnels below the arena.

He heard Romeo yell behind him and grinned. The silly wolfman was no match for him. Orlok kicked a hatch open and fell into a large underground room. It was definitely one of Rowan’s spots if all the dead gimps were any indication…. Ugh and the smell…

Orlok butt-walked over to the main control console set on a screen to input a password. He sighed, no doubt Rowan, being the crazy bitch that she was, had set something horribly complex and hard-to-guess as her password.

“Well, fuck me.” He cursed in despair and heard a beep.

“Password accepted. Input commands.”

“YES!!!! Transfer all of Rowan’s credits to a data chip and give me all that moneys. Also, self-destruct sequence engage. Overload power cores, enable maximum fuck. Set body count parameters to eleven and engage the arena’s emergency override. Let Romeo out, open the doors, LET THE GIMPS ROAM FREE!!!!” Orlok started pressing buttons randomly while chuckling insanely.

“Understood, arming nuclear warhead. Detonation in ten minutes. Confirm?” The computer said just as one of those mobile bank microchips people wore nowadays popped out of a wall.

He pulled out a cracker he’d been carrying around with him and put it on that before munching it.

“Ingestion process successful. Creating New Account. Please wait 72 hours.”

“Yes. Deploy killbots to Rowan’s position, kill her. Point me to the nearest escape-Harley-Davidson. Destruct all other vehicles. Give the bouncers a hearty tip to run the fuck away and not help Rowan out. Deploy the potato cannons. System lockdown engage. Accept no further commands, regardless of correct passwords or authorizations. Or physical lockout enablers. All Hail Orlok.”

Orlok chuckled insanely as the computer shut down and an escape hatch leading to the garage opened up. The words All Hail Orlok rang out on the screens and would throughout the whole bar.

Ha! And Romeo had thought he was high as a kite. Please, as if mere mortal drugs could ever compete with the pure insanity his brain produced naturally.

“That’s my secret, Romeo. I’m always high. Yeet!” Orlok howled as he made airplane noises while running towards the garage.

He made sure to grab a rocket launcher off of Rowan’s wall-rack before he left.